Living in a Bubble – Anthony King

Adult Asperger’s Video 18. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 2)

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:45:40 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 18. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 2)

My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together and conclude this series.

Enthusiasm and Extending Your Bubble to Include Others

If you walk into a bar, let’s say and you are insecure and uncomfortable and feeling like you live in your bubble and order a drink. You, as well as not particularly enjoy the experience, will probably not have any enjoyable human interactions. However, the same “you” walks into a bar, which is linked in some way to your passion i.e., it’s en route to a location, or is intrinsically linked histrionically or architecturally to your passion and you enjoy the interest in it for that alone, you will see things will happen! At the very least you will enjoy the experience because it is aligned with your passion. For example, you walk into a special building with special architecture. You sit down and really take an interest in that architecture and the design of the room and the ergonomics of the table, the set design, the menus etc. Human beings are curious beings and are attracted to enthusiasm! So, when somebody sees YOU having a good time for real, SOMEBODY will want to be part of AUTHENTIC action. Just the same way, if you stand in a busy street and look up, people will look up too! Or stand and point, people will be curious. At that time, you can explain your passion and at that moment, just for a moment, you have succeeded in extended your bubble to include them … in a bar! Even if nothing becomes of it, you’ve had a meaningful conversation, about something you enjoy in a location that is in some way linked to something you’re passionate about. That in itself is a great thing and I can guarantee that if you keep doing this, eventually, your circumstances will change and your bubble will grow over time. Not putting pressure on people or imposing your expectations on them is a VERY ATTRACTIVE THING. They will WANT to be around you if you make this a way of life because you will want nothing and provide enthusiasm, energy and value and be a living example of somebody that is brave enough to follow their passion. You will see… so few people have the courage to do it, that when you do it, you will be “different” and if you already feel “different”, then you might as well embrace it and go all the way! In other words, embrace the bubble! That bubble can be your doorway to self-improvement, knowledge and living enthusiastically which can and probably will lead to, not you leaving the bubble but the world joining you inside. You can find much more detail on this as well as practical techniques to help in my book, Living in a Bubble. That includes, the “traffic light system” where you really want to assosiate with those “greens”, and if you’ve read the book you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. You will probably find some other consequences and unexpected benefits of all this, including:

You will not tolerate disrespect, time wasters or nonsense any more
Your value of yourself and self-respect levels increase
You become more attractive
You are filled with more enthusiasm
Your contentment levels increase
Your meaningful interactions increase
Become closer to your life goal and passion
You will become more generous and notice the “small” things more

And last but not least … ‘the 20%’

There is a proportion of people in this world that are real life “heroes”. I don’t know if the percentage is 20% but I can tell you that these people are the people who have empathy and sensitivity and consideration. If you go back to the traffic light system that I gave you in the book, they will be the “greens” on your list. Focus on those “greens”. Surround yourself with “greens” and invest in them.

Your Way Is the Only “Right” Way for You

You can find your own way… you can do it! In a way, nobody can give advice how to discover yourself and what works for you, except you. It’s from within. You can evolve based on your own knowledge and experience. You are 100% in charge, you are the captain, YOU are the expert. You won’t get it in full, from this book, or any book because it is your duty and responsibility to create a process or routine or a plan that works for you in your life. On the other hand, you will get closer to the destination, regardless, because you can gain knowledge from any book, experience or human being in an apophatic sense. This means that if it doesn’t work for you, then at least you know it doesn’t work you. There is much value in even that. Focus on creating your own “guide book” for yourself through knowledge and experience. Good luck! You can do this!

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 18. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 2) appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 17. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 1)

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:43:55 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 17. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 1)

My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together…

Psychological Devices And Techniques

I suspect that most people on the spectrum, if I say, “living in my world” will know exactly what I’m talking about. I really took a substantial amount of time thinking about this issue and how I would address it, in my own way, for myself. However, “address” in actuality means, “attempted address”. I visited Berlin, Germany and decided to use the opportunity to test how some psychological devices and mental techniques to see if it could help with this “living in your own world” or “living in a bubble” issue. The first couple of attempts didn’t quite work, but then I worked out something which actually had a substantive impact. Before I explain and tell you all about it I want to tell you about a technique I use when I teach students in dance class, because it relates to what we are talking about today.

Doing Something Physically Impossible

There are some dance moves that I teach that are physically and anatomically impossible to perform. This is because the human body cannot physiologically execute them. With that said, I explain the process and then ask the students to attempt the impossible move and to imagine that it’s happening. There has never been a single occasion where the physically impossible has been made possible … but something else has happened. They came close!

The Challenge of Living in a “Bubble”

The one thing which I really focussed on was this idea of feeling like I was living in a “bubble”. How on earth can we solve that one? It’s like you’ve been placed in a world with lots of people but you have an invisible bubble around you. You want to break out but you can’t, as it’s physically impossible. You see people walking past and people having their life experiences and you wish you could experience that too… but you can’t because you feel like you live in your “bubble”. How can you solve that? That’s not an easy one to tackle for sure! It took me two years to come up with something that I’m willing to share with you, that I have tested, that I find works for me. After two years of many types of mental techniques and psychophysical devices, on a really “low” day, it hit me. It was so obvious too! How can you escape the inescapable? Well, you don’t, I told myself … you EMBRACE THE BUBBLE, that doesn’t exist!

Embracing the Bubble and Living in Your Own World

The real “pain” comes from not necessarily “living in a bubble” but feeling excluded from what’s “outside” of that non-existent “bubble”. However, this is 100% psychological and emotional which means that the solution is probably also psychological and emotional. There certainly is no bubble around you separating you from the world. It’s a feeling only. That knowledge alone is extremely empowering. Because it puts YOU back in control. You focus on what YOU can control and not what you can’t and that alone is a very powerful psychological device in itself. The irony is, I found that this route can, in actual fact give you the feeling of breaking out of the bubble! It’s like a back door route into the world. It takes a little work (but not much), it takes time (but not much) and the most important ingredient of all… it takes ENTHUSIASM and CONFIDENCE! You will find that the world may well join YOU in your “bubble” because this will be attractive and infectious. However, the mental device is completely counter intuitive. I tested it in Prague, Czech Republic for about five days. I have called my psychological device, “The internal furnace of fulfilment” and it’s an internal validation system for you inside your bubble!

The Internal Furnace of Fulfilment

This metaphor is a psychological device designed to help refocus your perspective towards internal fulfilment rather than looking for and towards external validation and fulfilment, which helps towards feeling more comfortable within any perceived bubble and indirectly circumvents that same bubble, so that you feel even more connected and less “excluded”. Here is the process and the rules and main points of “The internal furnace of fulfilment”: 1) You must have a passion that you can physically occupy your time and attention with, and put your energy into. This must be something that you enjoy and something which is not harmful to anybody or anything. If you don’t have one, create one. As previously discussed in this book, it will probably be your passion and area of expertise. You then make a list relevant to your passion. That list should be “impossible” to achieve because it is so long. This is a very good way of shutting down excuses! For example, if you are an expert in World War Two history you may make a list that goes like this:

– Visit every WW2 museum in your city, then country, then continent, then the world
– Read every major WW2 book ever written
– Visit every WW2 historical site in your city, then country, then the world
– Discover things that have never been discovered before about WW2
– Write a book about your experiences and begin to teach about what you have learned
– Learn all about the aircraft of WW2. Work out a way to fly in a WW2 aircraft etc.

You get my point! The list is endless and it cuts off any excuses at source because this excludes the possibility of being “bored” or not having something to “do”. Now, in case your brain starts creating more excuses, like financial issues etc. then you can reorder your list to only include free activities first, until you have any required resources. Even then, you will have more than you can possibly achieve. If you need money, you will make money. If you can’t work out a way to make money, then return to the free activities until there are no more to do, which is impossible, as you don’t have enough decades on earth to even read all of the WW2 or History books in the library which you can borrow for free, for example.

2) You decide in one moment that you will utilise a “The internal furnace of fulfilment”. You mentally decide that from now on, your fulfillment comes from inside of you and that source is powered by you and only by you. The “furnace” is not a real furnace … it’s a special one, because the “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation) can only come from your internal furnace and secondly, the same “heat” generated by your furnace is non-transferable. This means that it is unlike real fire. It is completely invalid when it is outside of you and loses its “energy”. In the same way somebody can’t give you their “heat” from their furnace. This means that it can only be sourced internally. This means:

– If somebody walks up to you and gives you £100,000,000 in cash, you accept in advance that this cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).

– The most beautiful person on earth walks up to you and asks you on a date or to marry you, you accept in advance that this cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).

– You are promoted to the CEO of the most valuable company of all time and you accept in advance that this cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).

– Anything “nice”, “good” or “positive” given to you, externally cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).

3) You completely embrace your bubble and turn your lens inwards (to ultimately face outwards). This means that you, as extreme as this is going to sound, from now on expect nothing from anybody – regardless of the circumstance. In fact, you do not require acknowledgement or appreciation at all. No matter what you do! You “do” because it is of intrinsic value and aligned with your “passion” and wellbeing or something you are required to do for the greater good. The “greater good” is something which is a personal moral decision for you to decide on your own. If you determine that something is morally required or practically required, then do it. If not, don’t. If you are selfish, you will remain selfish. If you are generous, you will remain generous. However, everything else which is outside of those exceptions is purely focussed on your passion or to that end. This means:

– You walk up to a stranger and help them pick up all of their dropped belongings. You do not expect a thanks. You do not expect even a look or the smallest amount acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.

– You clean your best friend’s house, from top to bottom. You do not expect a thanks. You do not expect even a look or the smallest acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.

– You give away £100,000,000 to a charity. You do not expect thanks. You do not expect even a look or the smallest acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.

– You engage in a conversation with somebody. You do not expect a reply. You do not expect even a look or the smallest amount of acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.

Everything you do is focussed 100% on advancing your main life passion with the exception of actions which you determine are morally or practically required for the greater good or your own good, within your own personal moral spectrum. To repeat, the action is executed for its intrinsic value only, with zero expectation of acknowledgement or expectation that it will give you any “warmth” or “heat” except the “heat” generated internally from the “power” of the intrinsic action and the heat from that. You do not feel the “need” to speak, communicate or receive anything from anyone, in particular.

Thank you for joining me today. We’ll continue with more in our next video. See you then.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 17. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 1) appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 16. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Eccentricity and Idiosyncrasies

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:42:14 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 16. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Eccentricity and Idiosyncrasies

My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together…

Living with Asperger’s Eccentricity and Idiosyncrasies

Every person on this earth has their own unique quirks and personality traits. What I do find interesting is that people on the spectrum certainly have commonalities between them with regard to their behaviour. Many eccentricities and idiosyncrasies of somebody with ASD are obvious, but many are not. I’ve mentioned many in this series and in the book, like; OCD, obsessions, possibly even not driving a car, pattern recognition, memory for strange things and many more. Let’s take a look a closer look and see what tips we have today.

Eccentricity and Idiosyncrasies

Many people living with ASD are perceived as being different, odd or eccentric. Traits can include repetitive behaviour and obsessions. Often those of us on the spectrum have a particular topic which we are interested in and often an expert in as we have a curiosity and need to learn everything about certain subjects and topics we are attracted to. Sometimes people on the spectrum talk about their chosen topic of interest and only talk about that. All of the peculiarities in language and speech, repetitious rituals or routines coupled with often socially or emotionally inappropriate behaviours and bad communication skills, inhibiting “normal” levels of successful interaction can be perceived as odd and eccentric by some people. One of the diagnostic criteria for Asperger’s is, “encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus.” People with autism have many different obsessions but some of the more common ones include computer games, trains, historical dates or sports events, science, or TV programmes. Sometimes people on the spectrum develop obsessions with things like car registration numbers, train timetables, bridges, traffic lights, numbers and shapes etc. People with autism may also become attached to actual objects such as toys or models or unusual objects like stones, stickers, marbles or shoes. An interest in collecting is also quite common: it might be certain books or comics, brochures, insects, leaves or an unlimited number of “weird” things!

Tips and Advice

Eccentrics: A Study of Sanity and Strangeness is a book written by Dr David Weeks. He claims that his study “was the first and, to this day, the only scientific investigation of eccentricity”. He came to some really cool conclusions for people like us, including; that “eccentrics” are physically healthier and significantly happier than “normal” people. That’s pretty cool, don’t you think?

Top Tips:

1. Embrace your eccentricity

Embrace the positives about yourself, including your interests, eccentricities and idiosyncrasies. Be proud that you are not a conformist and just another clone!

2. Work to remove unnecessary ones or damaging ones

If you feel that something about you may be really odd or “weird”, self-reflect and ask yourself, “Is this behaviour damaging me in anyway?” If so, alter or refrain from that activity. Communicate with trusted friends and ask them to warn you if they are concerned about anything and to look out for you. Have at least one trusted friend who you confide in and tell your secrets.

3. Analyse yourself

It’s really important to self-analyse and understand yourself to grow and develop as a person. It will take effort and hard work but nothing in your life will be more rewarding in the end.

4. Family and Friends – Communication is key

Communicate with your family and friends if your innocent non-harming behaviour is an issue. Your family, through understanding of ASD and Asperger’s education will eventually understand and come to accept you for who you are.

5. Don’t be afraid to consult experts

If you are curious and want to investigate any oddities in your behaviour then do not be afraid to consult a psychotherapist or a similar expert – some are absolutely amazing!

Thank you for joining me today. We’ll continue with more in our next video. See you then.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 16. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Eccentricity and Idiosyncrasies appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 15. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Coping with Loneliness

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:40:06 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 15. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Coping with Loneliness

My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together…

Living with Asperger’s Coping with Loneliness

I’m aware of the pain of this subject and the pain it causes you. There are personal insights that I want to share with you but it’s not appropriate in this form that can help. You can find them in the book though. In addition to today’s video; in the final 2 videos of of this serious I’m going to have more help on this subject.

Advice and Tips

1) Face your fears head on

This will take effort and energy. You need to make a conscious choice, accept in advance, that this will be a challenge and embrace it. Educate yourself in social ways! Read personal development books and self-help books. Read every positive thinking book you can and condition yourself to be positive – what have you got to lose? What you think at this moment is not all that exists and things can and will change. Take baby steps and build a social experience filled with positive interaction. Give it time but make small progressions and move in the right direction. Don’t be harsh on yourself and remember that people on the spectrum do sometimes have serious challenges in this department but that you are not alone because MANY people have this challenge. We all interact with the world and although you may feel like an alien at times, even you, still interact with the world. It’s about choice. Let’s choose action!

2) Friends, family and acquaintances are key

You must force yourself, if it is hard, to interact with your friends, family and acquaintances socially. This means that you need to be open to things that you don’t naturally like or want to do. You might not like going out with friends but you have a goal to achieve and you are training yourself every time you go out and interact with them. Explain to your friends that you need their help and encouragement. Bring them in on the plan. In fact ask a friend to become an almost “mentor” that will encourage you.

3) Be honest with people whilst “practising and rehearsing”

If you go out with your friends see it as practice and a rehearsal. This technique might help and you might even enjoy yourself if you detach yourself slightly in this way! Ask your friends to speak with people and to guide you. In fact if you talk with somebody with a friend and it does not go the way you intended or you make a mistake or say something wrong, then your friend can help, along with yourself and explain to the person that you have ASD and that you are trying to expand developmentally and practise your social skills by talking to people. Most people (not all), but most, will be kind and understanding and even very willing to help. No matter what response you get, it is valuable practice in interacting with people – this is a good thing. Remember that this is a long-term development, it won’t happen straight away. You will see that, over time, you will gain confidence and get better socially and then, as if almost miraculously, you’ll be more likely to start enjoying yourself! Just remember one thing – be kind and be authentic. Even if you say to someone, “I feel really scared right now because I’m not used to speaking with people”, I promise you, you will be shocked at the reply – people are kinder than you think when you are honest with them.

4) Hang out with people with similar interests

You might feel slightly more comfortable around people who like the same things as you. You, at the very least, have that common bond which can be a catalyst for further communication and interaction.

5) Strict rule – move outside your comfort zone regularly!

You have to push boundaries. Do so in a controlled way. Say, once a week – go to a bar with a friend. Yes, you might hate it or feel uncomfortable… at first… but you need to get out and this type of activity will help. Do something you don’t want to do socially – just do it! You will survive, so you can afford to push and expand your horizons. Completely disregard how you feel. Let’s say you go out (reluctantly) once a week. That’s fifty-two occasions. You’re guaranteed to have fun and meet people on at least ONE of those fifty-two occasions!

6) Strict rule – go outside once a day

You MUST leave the house, even for fifteen minutes – once a day. You must try and interact with the world. You can walk around the park and don’t have to speak with anyone. Just absorb the environment, breath the air. Touch the grass or a tree – just connect with the environment outside your own house. This is very important and will protect you mentally as well as build up a kind of resistance and strength.

7) Methods of communication

Utilise all methods of communication, including letters, email, phone – any way to connect. Remember that often the key is the intention and meaning behind the interaction. If you have social issues, you can use these methods to connect and build trust before you talk in the flesh and interact physically. Communication, especially daily, means that you are expanding and growing.

8) Listen to others

As I said before: learn to listen. If you listen to people’s problems with real care they will want to interact with you more. If you’re quiet and ask them questions about themselves and listen, you will learn so much about them and they will be attracted to you.

9) Social media holidays

Take a day or two a week off from social media. Social media is not reality and often not healthy for our self esteem. People are faking it and projecting a false impression of themselves often and if you are on the spectrum you might fall into the trap of comparison and believing their nonsense. Believe me, it’s nonsense most of the time and they are just as unhappy and insecure as you. Disengage and unplug for a couple of days a week. It will do wonders for you. Replace it with a positive book or even meeting up with a real life friend.

Thank you for joining me today. We’ll continue with more in our next video. See you then.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 15. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Coping with Loneliness appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 14. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships (Part 2)

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:38:23 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 14. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships (Part 2)

My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together…

Some of us with ASD can be perceived as being “loners” or “recluses”. While this may be true – it is not always the case. It gets complicated because these behavioural patterns of being detached from other people and social relationships, choosing activities to do on their own or without people around are common traits in ASD sufferers. Some people do actively seek out and prefer these types of situations to social ones, which gives an impression of “coldness” compounded by the fact that somebody on the spectrum is indeed happy to be alone compared to a scary social environment. All of this adds to the “aloof” and “standoffish” label and perception. It can cause problems at work, in the office and especially in personal and romantic relationships. The trouble is not that people with ASD often experience problems in expressing internal feelings and emotions, such as through facial expressions or through speaking. This compounds the challenge because we can’t often then perceive the situation accurately, leading to us closing down and the situation spiralling to isolation and intentional withdrawal to try and ease the discomfort and pain. When a partner or friend tries to comfort or interject, it might even cause more problems because then the security blanket that has been created by withdrawal is violated causing more stress and discomfort. This can propagate into a vicious cycle and, instead of understanding it, it’s easy for some people to just say, “That person is rude and standoffish.” However, there is much more than meets the eye going on here.

Tips and Advice

When engaging in relationships of any kind we want to have a sort of compatibility, which means that we want to be able to function and work together. However, if you think about, how many relationships actually function efficiently? Well, I’ve just had a look at the marriage and divorce statistics in the UK and I’m actually a little shocked. It shows that in 2012 there were 262,240 marriages, which was good you’d think, right? Wrong! In the same year, there were 118,140 divorces! That is an absolute tragedy! The point is that people, generally don’t have basic compatibility that often. The failure rate is disgraceful. I have tried to look at the statistics for marriages where one of the partners has ASD but there is nothing conclusive and, either way, 50% failure rate is terrible, ASD or not – so let’s just look at it as it is. We, collectively, are pretty rubbish when it comes to compatibility and marriage (overall). One interesting opportunity for a relationship where one has ASD is the opportunity for self-reflection. People on the spectrum often ask themselves more questions and have an understanding of the way they think than people not on the spectrum in my opinion. This means that there may be an opportunity to cultivate compatibility and understand using ASD as a vehicle. Any relationship is a challenge and as ASD relationship is no different! I believe that if we choose our partners more wisely, we can increase the likelihood of successful relationships. There are always exceptions, but these are my thoughts from my personal life experience. In life there are always exceptions so take these as they are, just my thoughts, based on my personal experience:

1) Compatibility

If you are on the spectrum and would ideally like to be with a partner, if you choose to be in a relationship, who has a) Intelligence to understand what ASD is b) Empathy to stand back and appreciate how it is for you. c) Kindness – Guiding and Loving to help with the challenges of day to day living. d) Stable, Secure and Strong enough to be your rock. Insecure people can often exacerbate problems. e) Mature and Grounded in Reality – you don’t need someone with their own complex dramas. Don’t use your brain power to decode the manipulation, communication and personality problems of others! f) Principled, Loyal, Honest – this is self-explanatory. People on the spectrum aren’t usually sophisticated and manipulative. I found that I had no chance of interacting with seasoned experts of manipulation and dishonesty. g) Patient, Insightful, Non-reactive – they need to know what to do and know not to exacerbate the problem, let it calm down and analyse and resolve later. They can’t be explosive and reactive because it just doesn’t work. h) Forgiving: you don’t need someone who holds grudges. You need to build trust by letting things go.

2) Don’t take any nonsense – red flags!

Acknowledge and make a determination about ALL potential red flags from DAY 1! Use Google, use your friends and get advice. Make a determination early on and if the red flags are major enough, end the relationship or tone it down until trust has been built. Have respect in yourself and don’t ignore warning signs because you think you can’t get better!

3) Better to be alone and try and be happy than with a dysfunctional destructive person!

You CAN be happy without a partner! So work on yourself and be happy and then you will be more likely to meet a partner who is closer to where you are. Better to wait and enter a healthy relationship with somebody who is compatible.

4) Start with friends and build from there.

Don’t jump right in. If you’re new to relationships, start slowly with friendships and then build slowly over time. This is the safest way and this way you will have a stronger relationship. It takes time to understand each other and takes time to understand ASD – invest the time and you will reap the rewards later.

5) To achieve a successful relationship, a person also needs to understand and respect themselves

Ask yourself whether you honestly respect and understand yourself. If the answer is “no”, try to resolve this within you before aiming for a relationship.

6) Official diagnosis can make a difference in your relationship

Official diagnosis can help your partner better understand, acknowledge and face certain difficulties. There might be an element of denial so if it comes from an expert, then that will help them rationalise it, especially if they feel that they have experienced hurtful or indifferent behaviour.

7) Communication and acceptance

Once you have an official diagnosis you need to communicate with your partner and make a plan of action. Both parties should have a good understanding of ASD and how relationships are affected by it. It’s important that both partners make a serious commitment to making the relationship work.

8) Take the initiative and self-advocate

It’s important that you know your boundaries concerning what is acceptable and unacceptable and communicating them, in a polite and respectful way to your friends and peers. Remember that, generally speaking, people will respect you if you speak clearly and honestly. If you find it hard to do this face to face, you can even email or write a polite note. However, verbal communication often works better.

10) Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is a form of treatment which can focus on increasing general coping mechanisms, improving social interaction, wellbeing, communication and self-esteem. They can help look at your life and help understand better your compulsions and personality. This can be very helpful. The more information you have about anything, including yourself, the better you can address challenges and issues and possibly identify a solution. Another good thing about psychotherapy is that you can speak with an expert who can give you a summary of his thoughts in writing.

11) Trusted friends are your guardians

Don’t ever forget that your trusted friends are also your guardians and helpers. They are on your side. They are a valuable resource and help – don’t let these wonderful people and their insights go to waste! Vice Versa – you can help them too, maybe in other ways.

12) Make it a habit to listen more

Be the light and a good friend to somebody else! Make it a habit to learn to listen and listen for real! Be valuable to your friends and people that you know. This way, they will appreciate you and help you and you will feel rewarded and valued.

13) Being in a relationship

Being in a relationship with an ASD is hard at times because ALL relationships are hard. Bear this in mind and give your partner a break sometimes. Educate yourself on being empathetic. Remember that if you are on the spectrum you might very well have challenges with perception, which means that you might be able to learn from your partner’s criticisms because they might be right!

14) Partners with unresolved childhood trauma or abuse unwilling to address them

The late veteran family therapist, Peter K. Gerlach, MSW said something that I totally relate to. He suggests that individuals with unresolved childhood trauma or abuse have a very tough time building a healthy relationship with other people with unresolved childhood trauma and abuse. He suggests that if both partners are willing to address issues then a successful relationship is possible, however, if only one is willing to address themselves and not the other, than there is a very large chance of almost certain breakdown and destructive behaviour in the relationship. Consequently, I suggest that you pick a partner who is healthy for you who you can work together with in the spirit of truth and honestly. If your partner doesn’t accept their faults and challenges and express some desire to change and resolve them, then you should consider whether that person is right for you.

Thank you for joining me today. We’ll continue with more in our next video. See you then.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 14. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships (Part 2) appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 13. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships (Part 1) Adult Asperger’s

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:33:06 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 13. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships (Part 1)Adult Asperger’s

My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together…

Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships

Many on the spectrum are perceived as loners by choice and live in a solitary almost monastic way. Even though this might be the case for some, for many this is not the case. It’s pretty obvious that to interact successfully with people we need to have been trained and taught appropriately through upbringing and in addition have the ability to learn. The challenge is that, in addition to perception and communication problems, people on the spectrum often miss out on this because they are too busy prioritising survival. Many times, also being subjected to bullying, rejection and ridicule. Already finding it challenging to understand what others think or feel they are significantly disadvantaged, often, by adulthood they can be traumatised by past experiences and mistakes, challenged with understanding and communicating affection and love which can cause major problems later with finding a partner and achieving a long-term successful relationship. People on the spectrum might also have issues with expressing emotions and understanding what love is and how to experience and express it. However, Plato himself said that “Love is a serious mental disease”, so it might be the case that none of us understand love but that people on the spectrum have a challenge doing the things that people expect of them. It can be confusing for most people but a gigantic mountain to climb for autistic people. Typical and obvious displays of affection are not obvious to many with autism which means that this can cause friction in a relationship and confusion. A hug might be perceived as a threat when it is in fact a display of affection and love to a person with ASD. The instinctive reaction to that gesture might be perceived as a rejection or an insult by the partner leading to more confusion and bewilderment, when it is nothing of the sort. In addition to this, if a person hasn’t practised how to act or been taught how to be in a relationship they may turn to Hollywood or television and copy that leading to calamitous results!

Development and escalation of relationships

Understanding and interpreting the subtle cues and flirting involved in a partner wanting to change the stage of relationship (say from dating to serious romantic relationship/partner) are often skills that are not intuitive for people with ASD. This can be extremely confusing and frustrating for both parties and seen as a sign of rejection when it is nothing of the sort. The irony is that they might take this as rejection when it’s actually extreme consideration for them in a confusing situation. One of the difficulties for people on the spectrum is that it can be tough for us to interpret someone’s intentions, so they often would need to be direct to make a point, otherwise it might get lost, ironically in politeness. The individual on the spectrum might really want that affection and want to know that a lover feels that way but they can’t see it and it “goes over their head”. We often can’t always read romantic signals that are “blatant” but still not direct, in your mind. Another consideration is that we are often not as experienced in relationships and take a longer time to learn things as we’ve probably started being concerned about relationships and romance later than many others.

Recuperating

After dates and social interaction somebody on the spectrum can feel exhausted by having to try and understand and interpret body language and all without the usual social skills. However, this doesn’t mean that they don’t want to go out or date, it just means that they might need certain environments to flourish better, or with certain types of people and then have recuperation time afterwards. way, then, or later!

Expressing Love

People on the spectrum might be considered bad at expressing love and affection. I would add that this is in the CONVENTIONAL way. We often express it in other ways too and if we learn what we must do, or are simply asked, we can do the other things too. I understand that many on the spectrum are not so good at expressing what is on the inside and can shut down at important moments when our partners need feedback or an emotional reaction. This must be tough for them if they aren’t educated in what to do or have an understanding of autism and the behaviour of people on the spectrum.

Great in relationships too

People on the spectrum are often not involved in manipulation, are loyal, are honest and this can even help in a work environment and not just romantic relationships. A pioneering company in Denmark gave people with autism a chance to apply their skills to jobs from IT to product testing, reported a UK newspaper with the headline: “Better, faster… and no office politics: the company with the autistic specialists”. Office politics and cheating are not behaviours often attributed to those on the spectrum. If they are in a relationship with you, you can probably feel secure in the fact that the amount of energy and effort it might take to meet somebody else to even be in a position to cheat would probably not be anywhere near worth the stress and hassle!

Being perceived as aloof and standoffish

Many people on the spectrum are perceived as aloof and standoffish, initially at least. If I got a dollar for every time I have been told, in my life, “At first I thought you were rude but you’re actually really nice” I would be a billionaire for sure! This has happened all my life. I certainly must look a certain way because I am perceived in a way which is very different to my real personality.

Social imagination

“Social imagination” is the idea that we can imagine and “predict” what others are often thinking and the way that they will or may behave in a certain situation or to certain stimuli (i.e. words and actions). Another way of thinking about this is the idea of “flexible thinking”. People on the spectrum often have a strict routine or set of behaviours. They may walk a certain route home. They might find changes to this challenging. The unfamiliarity can course distress. Consequently, this may affect the ability to predict a certain usual comfortable outcome which is usually expected and thus cause problems. This difficulty in predicting accurately what might happen when a factor or factors, people, circumstances or situations change can cause what is often perceived as “aloofness” or “standoffishness”. Social imagination, understanding challenges might mean that people on the spectrum may find it hard to:

1. Cope with meeting new people or in new unfamiliar habitats and surroundings.
2. Have challenges putting themselves in other people’s shoes, at times and imagining the world from someone else’s perspective.
3. Might find it challenging to work out that other people may have different thoughts, feelings and perspectives to theirs.
4. Find it hard to interpret others thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions and motivations.
5. Predict outcomes that others see as “obvious” or inevitable.
6. Prepare for change and various alternative outcomes.

Consequently, all of these challenges can add up to being perceived as aloof and standoffish. However, as these are only subjective opinions.

Thank you for joining me today. We’ll continue with more in our next video. See you then.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 13. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Forming Relationships (Part 1) Adult Asperger’s appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 12. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Fear of Doctors and Dentists

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:31:24 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 12. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Fear of Doctors and Dentists

Living with Asperger’s Fear of Doctors and Dentists

Many people with ASD find going to the dentist or doctors very stressful. Fear of the unknown is part of that. The “idea” of going is often, like many things, worse than the act itself. Many times, the medical practitioners and their staff are not trained to deal with individuals with ASD or might not fully understand. This will compound the problem. Another issue is that an unexpected (or even anticipated) appointment will often be a departure from the usual day to day routine hence a cause of anxiety. This is because the usual safety net of familiarity and routine, which can be a calming framework, or the usual learned coping mechanisms, will be suspended to visit the doctors or dentists. In a way, it’s an obvious “double trouble” situation because of the removal of familiarity and the insertion into this alien environment with people that are often not aware and can amplify the problem (which is quite ironic if you think about, because this is a visit to locations where you’d expect a full understanding of ASD!). Once with the doctor or dentist, let’s not forget that the patient with ASD must be examined, which can throw up another set of challenges because often the patient does not wish to be examined and is uncomfortable with people in their personal space, often uncomfortable being touched or even being asked to remove clothes that are special to them and help calm the patient. When I think about visiting the doctors or dentists it’s also the waiting that makes me the incredibly anxious. Then the fact that doctor’s surgeries have “annoying” beeps, buzzers and sounds and an intercom system. There might be music playing and strange people doing strange things. Tapping and banging, coughing and babies crying. There are a lot of different factors involved and these are things which need to be interpreted, dealt with, and coped with in a public place. This can be very tough for some on the spectrum. Other sensory challenges when actually with the doctor or dentists can be the certain type of fluorescent lighting and the equipment buzzing, including drills and other equipment. Even the small torchlight that they use and point in your mouth and eyes – if you have a particular sensitivity to light – can be a challenge. If you are distracted by these things it can make the whole experience harder for both yourself and the medical practitioner. If somebody on the spectrum has communication challenges then this could also be an issue, such as expressing pain when a dentist does something, or being extra sensitive to the slightest touch, which, ordinarily, they might not be, which, again, causes a wrong impression and can cause problems in identifying what the actual underlying problem might be. It’s my understanding that education in the medical community is improving. I read an information pack given to doctors which was brilliant. However, it’s also important to remember that often doctors and dentists are overworked and stressed out themselves and might be more inclined to be accommodating to somebody extreme on the spectrum but not high functioning. I feel this is a fair point because if a doctor or dentist is meeting you for the first time, a large part of the dynamic will be first impressions. Communication in a very short limited amount of time and sometimes if you look good and communicate well then you might not get the same accommodations as somebody who doesn’t communicate quite like yourself. On the surface you are calm and might look wonderful but under the water, the feet are treading water overtime!

Tips and Advice

1) Rehearse

Rehearse the visit in advance! Don’t be afraid to visit the surgery and take a look around before you visit. Sit down in the waiting room for a few moments. Familiarise yourself with the staff and feel free to explain what you are doing if they ask. It’s also a good idea to have a walk around the local area or have a drink nearby too. If it is far away then read about the location online and use Google Maps and street view. If you are a young person or a carer for somebody on the spectrum it might even be an option to rehearse with chairs and play out a proper role play. Do whatever you need to do to make life comfortable and the experience as easy as it can be.

2) Plan

It’s very important that once your visit is confirmed that you plan the logistics carefully. Think of it like you are a VIP or the President of the United States is arriving – protocol and planning is key, except this time YOU are the VIP! If possible contact the clinic and find out when the quietest time will be and visit when the likelihood is that there won’t be a lot of people in the waiting room or nearby. You might even be able to book an appointment at the end of the day when everybody else has left, or the earliest appointment before people arrive. Timing is key and they might even appreciate it if you come in when it is quiet as it’s more convenient for them. You do not want to be queueing or spending unnecessary time in an uncomfortable unfamiliar waiting room environment, so do all that you can to avoid this by communicating with the practice in advance.

3) Communicate

When you’re planning your visit make sure that you tell the practice about any concerns and fears that you have in advance. Most of the time they will be happy to accommodate you and help allay them. Remember that, although they might not be perfect, they are trained professionals and have seen every embarrassing serious illness and problem under the sun. Tell them your problems! As long as you are polite, friendly and genuine they will be happy to help you and go ‘the extra mile’. When you realise that they are on your side and accommodating then that fact alone will help you relax. Communication is important and communication in advance is even better because you’ll be more likely to be in a better state of mind. Don’t leave it until you arrive to address potential issues.

4) Rationalise

Understand that in life, at times, we must all go to the dentist and the doctor. Educate yourself and understand the reasons and the benefits of going. This will help the process significantly. Know that this does not have to be a regular thing and that it might be once or twice a year. Convince yourself with facts and acknowledge the benefits of going even though you don’t like it. You will realise that you spend a lot of time doing things that you don’t like and that sometimes just getting them done quickly and efficiently is the best way. Complete the task and move on to what you do enjoy!

5) Involve

Have a friend or family member help you with the planning and logistics. My friend is not very good at talking on the phone to often seemingly insensitive call centres and receptionists and arranging these things and I have called on his behalf many times. It can save a lot emotional stress and energy that you can use for dealing with the actual visit. Feel free to enlist help! Many times people will be happy to help you. You don’t have to do this on your own necessarily!

6) State of mind

On the day of the visit make sure that you are in a good state of mind, as best as you can. Everything that is in your control make sure is as you like it. Eat well, sleep well, relax, recuperate, exercise, listen to music – do whatever it is that you need to do to be happy and strong! These things aren’t nice at the best of times for people that aren’t on the spectrum so you are not alone and it’s a big achievement to go through this with our challenges. Arrange in advance a really nice reward after the appointment or later on in the day too! This will give you some motivation and make things flow a little nicer.

7) Music

If you like listening to music then ask permission and take along your personal stereo. Make sure that you tell the practitioner or receptionist, so that you can hear when you are called. The doctor or dentist may even let you listen to music whilst in a procedure, you never know! Take whatever you need to be comfortable. If that is a cushion, take your special cushion. If that means you want to take a friend, take a friend! I’d suggest that you keep the medical practitioner aware though and if you are too shy or embarrassed to tell them, have someone else do it for you. People want to be included and they will often be privileged that you are letting them into your world!

8) Compatibility

If for any reason you feel that you can’t interact with a certain medical practitioner then you should make contact with their receptionist and communicate your doubts and fears. If you have been upset and feel that you can’t get over it, you should find a new medical practitioner and make any necessary official complaints. Not everybody is compatible, so if you need to move on and find someone more suitable for you, then that is sometimes a valid option. I would suggest that you make this decision in collaboration with others, including friends and family or peers.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 12. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Fear of Doctors and Dentists appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 11. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Hair and Hygiene Rituals

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 12:29:45 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 11. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Hair and Hygiene Rituals

Living with Asperger’s Hair and Hygiene Rituals

ASD can also cause problems with personal hygiene and handling of hair amongst, other things. Some might mistakenly assume that this is an issue of laziness or dirtiness, however, this is often not the case as it is more to do with sensory issues and challenges as well as a lack of social awareness. In addition, younger people on the spectrum may not pick up on social cues or comments from peers in relation to hygiene, or disregard them, giving the impression that they don’t care, which often compounds other social and interpersonal relationships. Consequently, young people on the spectrum may be more vulnerable to bullying than their neurotypical classmates. However, this issue can affect people of all ages. I have challenges with controlling my stress levels when having my hair cut and especially whilst waiting. I understand that other people on the spectrum also find the waiting challenging, so this is not abnormal for people with ASD. I have less of an issue with the sensation of having my hair cut but this is often a challenge for those on the spectrum. From the temperature of the water, to the product used, to the physical proximity of the hairdresser – a wide variety to factors. Some have no issue with not ironing clothes (I am a great one for this!) and if it looks fine then it’s fine. If the hair looks a little messy then somebody on the spectrum might not really care too much about going out when somebody without ASD would feel ashamed to walk out on the street!

People of all ages on the spectrum might have other problems including:

Touch

As some are very sensitive the actual sensation of a shower might be challenging and uncomfortable, including having water on the skin. A bath would be quite out of the question for some on the spectrum due to the dirt as well as the perspective that it’s a waste of time and water. Certain toothbrushes can hurt sensitive mouths and gums. Deodorant can feel awkward on the skin too and get over clothes and create a mess.

Sound

The sound of dripping water can cause distress. I have to make sure that the shower is off completely because I can often hear the dripping from another room and it gives me a headache. Other things like electric toothbrushes and razors can be challenging.

Advice and Tips

1) Make a list

Whenever I want to achieve anything I write it down and have it where you can see it every day. For example: a) Wake up and turn left and drink a full glass of water b) Go to the bathroom c) Meditate for ten minutes d) Brush teeth e) Wash face and shower f) Moisturise This is a proven method. It needs to become a routine, like you are on autopilot. At this stage you can put the list aside or keep it to amend, it’s up to you. If you have a special occasion, like a first date, for example, do a test run and ask a friend if you look and smell alright! Don’t be afraid

2) The “drawer and bed” method I read something online about a method to train children which involved putting products in one bucket when used and in another still to be used and it made me smile. I have a slightly different method which works well! I have all of my things in a special drawer (I don’t like leaving them out or on the table because I drop them and knock them over) and then before I have a shower and get ready, I take them all out (everything I’m going to use) and place them on the bed. Actually, I’ll tell you the truth… I sometimes place them on the floor! Then I systematically use the products and then after I’ve used them, I put them back in the drawer. So for example, the last thing out is usually the floss, which means that I have that to do – it helps keep track too!

3) Purchase products you like! Experiment and test. I would also suggest that you keep it simple. Find what you like and keep an adequate supply!

4) Showers If you hate showers I’ll give you a top tip! Time it! Buy a timer and use it, this way you know exactly when to end it. Another secret technique I use it this… music! I know that when I have a shower, after starting a concert, it is time to come out before the fourth full song comes on. I press play on the shows second song when I enter, let three of the songs play and then get out when it ends.

5) Hairdressers If you visit the hairdresser then plan the time properly. Try to go when it’s quiet and you won’t have to wait. Communicate with them and explain why this is important. If you don’t get on with the hairdresser or trust them, find one that you do and are comfortable with. In addition, if you really have problems then explore the possibility of the hairdresser coming to you.

6) Education and understanding YOU Take the time to educate yourself and understand the benefits of all the things you do, including personal hygiene and then do it consciously. People on the spectrum are usually logical and intelligent, so it will motivate you. Understand the societal consequences of personal hygiene and presentation and then play the game – just because you don’t like to do something, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it and incorporate it into your life successfully.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 11. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Hair and Hygiene Rituals appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 10. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Food and Clothes (Repetition and Routine)

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 11:51:22 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 10. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Food and Clothes (Repetition and Routine)

Living with Asperger’s Food and Clothes (Repetition and Routine)

I am a creature of habit. I have worn the same outfit for fourteen years. I don’t mean that literally. I have different versions of the same outfit: a black polo neck top and black trousers, black shoes, black socks, black coat and sometimes a black hat. I also wear the same underwear, same T-shirts and the same socks. I just like them. I feel comfortable dressed like this. I have never been into fashion, so this way, I don’t have to think too much about my clothes, I just wear what I think looks good. Over the years, I would often say, “If you’re onto a winner, why change!” It’s only when I was thinking about speaking with the ASD expert that I actually noticed this. I looked at a photo of myself from years ago and I was wearing exactly the same outfit as I was at that moment.

Ripping tags

Another thing which I have often done over the years, which I didn’t think was significant, at the time, was to rip out the tags. They would often irritate me and make me itch. Often I’d rip out the tag with such force that it would leave a hole behind! I never cared about that though. As long as the tag was gone, I was happy. I didn’t realise that this was also a symptom of ASD.

Food and the same meals

Similar to the clothes, I also have the same pattern when it comes to food. I have never had an issue with eating the same meal every day. In fact, if I liked the meal, I often enjoyed having the same meal every day! I never really thought about it, however, many times people around me would point it out and encourage me to eat something else, even though, I actually just wanted to eat what I wanted to eat.

Routines

We all have patterns of behaviour. I notice that I alter mine according to the stresses and experiences of the day. It’s almost as if I have an ‘ideal day’ set of behaviours and I have a ‘stressful day’ or more accurately a ‘disturbed day’ routine.

Official Perspective

Clinical Psychologist Dr Elizabeth Shea claims why we have these habits and unusual sensitivities:

“Differences in the way the brain processes information are also documented in autism … For example, cognitive rigidity and the ‘desire for sameness’ may result in an adherence to particular routines or rituals around food, such as having to have the same utensils, with the context being often the first predictor of whether a food is safe… may explain why these children notice the ‘local’ details of a food, such as a black mark on a crisp, at the expense of the ‘global’ or overall appearance of the food. This can also explain why foods are rejected if the packaging changes.”

Clothes can often be just as important as food for people on the spectrum. Colour, pattern and texture can affect sensitive people on the spectrum greatly. Many people on the spectrum don’t follow fashion and will wear the same style clothes for years or what might appear to others, as “all the time”.

Advice and Tips

Food

1) Eat what you want (within reason) Eat what your body needs. Don’t stress too much about food or what other people say!

2) Eat consciously If you’re going to eat odd types of food or only particular types of food then you should look into its nutritional content. This, at the very least, is an intellectual exercise. It’s useful to know how the food is grown, harvested and produced. This will help you in understanding what you consume and how it affects you.

3) Restaurants: eat where you are comfortable and happy. Wherever you eat, at home or in public – be happy be comfortable. Tell friends and family in advance of your sensitivities. Include them and request their help. Communicate your fears and challenges so this can be factored into choosing a restaurant. If you’re going on a date or out with somebody new then use humour, in advance to inform them, like, “I just want you to know that I have strange eating habits but you can eat what you want and I want you to be comfortable.” People want to feel included and informed.

4) Be philosophical Be philosophical about food and consumption. Know that if you really want to, you could change at any time so it’s okay to break out of those habits sometimes. Note: If you have serious challenges with food then you should seek medical advice. It is better to get help from an expert who is trained and can help with the specifics of your particular case. This is the case with all areas of life.

Clothes

1) Keep it simple. Clothes are an expression of who you are. And when it comes down to it, you can change your look at any time. Don’t stress; keep it simple and functional. Your attitude and how you carry yourself is more important than anything you wear. I worked with an individual who had over £100 million pounds and he dressed exactly the same way I dressed at home, but messier. It doesn’t, ultimately matter! But what you wear can make you feel good.

2) Vary the theme As you know, I like to wear black and I love to wear black turtle neck sweaters but what also can work is varying the colour, so it’s the same clothes but a little different.

3) Shopping I hate shopping and I hate busy shops. When I shop I know what I want and walk in and walk out, rarely trying it on. This is totally fine. If you need to, shop online or ask a friend to shop for you. Do whatever works for you.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 10. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Food and Clothes (Repetition and Routine) appeared first on Anthony King.

Adult Asperger’s Video 9. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Sensitivity to Smell and Light

Anthony King — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 11:49:49 +0000

Adult Asperger’s Video 9. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Sensitivity to Smell and Light

Living with Asperger’s Sensitivity to Smell and Light

Smell is a big challenge for one third of people on the spectrum. When we smell, the information goes right to the limbic area of the brain. The limbic system controls memories and emotions. Certain smells are hot wired to automatically trigger stress, fight or flight responses to warn against disease and other threats. Now imagine if the sensitivity level was turned to “high”. This is why it is so powerful and overbearing for those on the spectrum. In fact it can be so overbearing that it results in actual physical illness such as nausea, gagging and vomiting. Of course you can turn this sensitivity to your advantage. For example by spraying perfume that relaxes and comforts onto an item of clothing like a scarf, that can be used them in certain challenging situations. We can be preoccupied with a smell that others can’t detect. This can also relate to eating, with relation to the environment and surroundings but also to the smell of the food itself.

Under-sensitivity to smell

As well as over-sensitivity, the converse can also be true. Some people have no sense of smell at all or a limited sense and this can cause problems like failing to notice extreme smells (sometimes including their own body odour).

Perception

Bright lights, certain types of fluorescent lights and even bright sunlight through a window can often cause distress, headaches and discomfort for those with ASD. This can cause behavioural changes as well as a variety of physical issues.

Tips and Advice

1) Controlling your environment As best as you can, take of control of your home environment and create a safe space for recuperation and relaxation. Identify issues and solve them. If they cannot be resolved then move out. You will probably quite easily be able to identify a problem because it will be obvious. However, if it isn’t so obvious, then use your emotions as an indicator. Just sit and absorb and see how you feel. Eventually, you will identify what it is that is making you feel uncomfortable. The key is to identify and resolve – take responsibility for your own environment! You must control the things which ARE in your control.

2) Don’t be afraid to change lights and experiment Ask to have lights changed if need be. Communicate with your landlord/boss and attempt to resolve problems – any light issues within your own control should be identified and dealt with. This might involve changing a light bulb. If this is not possible, then you can purchase lamps that are more suited to you and use these instead of turning on certain lights.

3) Smell Again, identifying the problem is the first thing to do and then the second is to work out how to solve it. This might need communication or, for example, if you are in a restaurant near the toilets, moving away. Ultimately, it might be moving away from the source of the smell permanently if you can’t address it or remove it.

4) Learning to accept Accept that you can’t control everything in life and that external situations and habitats will never completely be as you would like and rationalise it with the fact that you can probably put up with more than you think. Tolerate some things outside your control but reward yourself later if done so with a humorous spirit. Communicate and talk with your friends and allies and make sure you recuperate and recharge.

5) Sunglasses Embrace sunglasses! These are great to not only block sunlight and other types of light but also to hide behind. I once went to an airport and was sitting with friends in the restaurant and the staff member asked me why I wearing sunglasses – I was very close to making him feel very uncomfortable by saying something silly like, “I’m legally blind”, but chose not to. However, wear what you like which helps and if this means wearing sunglasses at night – do so! If people ask questions, tell them the truth! Tell them you have a “medical issue” or don’t reply at all. You don’t have to acknowledge rude questions or engage in any type of communication you don’t wish to.

The post Adult Asperger’s Video 9. Living in a Bubble – Living with Asperger’s Sensitivity to Smell and Light appeared first on Anthony King.