Adult Asperger’s Video 17. Living in a Bubble – Psychological Devices And Techniques (Part 1)
My name’s Anthony King and welcome back to my video series about mild autism spectrum disorder in adults based on my book “Living in a Bubble”. Let’s continue from where we left off in our last video together…
Psychological Devices And Techniques
I suspect that most people on the spectrum, if I say, “living in my world” will know exactly what I’m talking about. I really took a substantial amount of time thinking about this issue and how I would address it, in my own way, for myself. However, “address” in actuality means, “attempted address”. I visited Berlin, Germany and decided to use the opportunity to test how some psychological devices and mental techniques to see if it could help with this “living in your own world” or “living in a bubble” issue. The first couple of attempts didn’t quite work, but then I worked out something which actually had a substantive impact. Before I explain and tell you all about it I want to tell you about a technique I use when I teach students in dance class, because it relates to what we are talking about today.
Doing Something Physically Impossible
There are some dance moves that I teach that are physically and anatomically impossible to perform. This is because the human body cannot physiologically execute them. With that said, I explain the process and then ask the students to attempt the impossible move and to imagine that it’s happening. There has never been a single occasion where the physically impossible has been made possible … but something else has happened. They came close!
The Challenge of Living in a “Bubble”
The one thing which I really focussed on was this idea of feeling like I was living in a “bubble”. How on earth can we solve that one? It’s like you’ve been placed in a world with lots of people but you have an invisible bubble around you. You want to break out but you can’t, as it’s physically impossible. You see people walking past and people having their life experiences and you wish you could experience that too… but you can’t because you feel like you live in your “bubble”. How can you solve that? That’s not an easy one to tackle for sure! It took me two years to come up with something that I’m willing to share with you, that I have tested, that I find works for me. After two years of many types of mental techniques and psychophysical devices, on a really “low” day, it hit me. It was so obvious too! How can you escape the inescapable? Well, you don’t, I told myself … you EMBRACE THE BUBBLE, that doesn’t exist!
Embracing the Bubble and Living in Your Own World
The real “pain” comes from not necessarily “living in a bubble” but feeling excluded from what’s “outside” of that non-existent “bubble”. However, this is 100% psychological and emotional which means that the solution is probably also psychological and emotional. There certainly is no bubble around you separating you from the world. It’s a feeling only. That knowledge alone is extremely empowering. Because it puts YOU back in control. You focus on what YOU can control and not what you can’t and that alone is a very powerful psychological device in itself. The irony is, I found that this route can, in actual fact give you the feeling of breaking out of the bubble! It’s like a back door route into the world. It takes a little work (but not much), it takes time (but not much) and the most important ingredient of all… it takes ENTHUSIASM and CONFIDENCE! You will find that the world may well join YOU in your “bubble” because this will be attractive and infectious. However, the mental device is completely counter intuitive. I tested it in Prague, Czech Republic for about five days. I have called my psychological device, “The internal furnace of fulfilment” and it’s an internal validation system for you inside your bubble!
The Internal Furnace of Fulfilment
This metaphor is a psychological device designed to help refocus your perspective towards internal fulfilment rather than looking for and towards external validation and fulfilment, which helps towards feeling more comfortable within any perceived bubble and indirectly circumvents that same bubble, so that you feel even more connected and less “excluded”. Here is the process and the rules and main points of “The internal furnace of fulfilment”: 1) You must have a passion that you can physically occupy your time and attention with, and put your energy into. This must be something that you enjoy and something which is not harmful to anybody or anything. If you don’t have one, create one. As previously discussed in this book, it will probably be your passion and area of expertise. You then make a list relevant to your passion. That list should be “impossible” to achieve because it is so long. This is a very good way of shutting down excuses! For example, if you are an expert in World War Two history you may make a list that goes like this:
– Visit every WW2 museum in your city, then country, then continent, then the world
– Read every major WW2 book ever written
– Visit every WW2 historical site in your city, then country, then the world
– Discover things that have never been discovered before about WW2
– Write a book about your experiences and begin to teach about what you have learned
– Learn all about the aircraft of WW2. Work out a way to fly in a WW2 aircraft etc.
You get my point! The list is endless and it cuts off any excuses at source because this excludes the possibility of being “bored” or not having something to “do”. Now, in case your brain starts creating more excuses, like financial issues etc. then you can reorder your list to only include free activities first, until you have any required resources. Even then, you will have more than you can possibly achieve. If you need money, you will make money. If you can’t work out a way to make money, then return to the free activities until there are no more to do, which is impossible, as you don’t have enough decades on earth to even read all of the WW2 or History books in the library which you can borrow for free, for example.
2) You decide in one moment that you will utilise a “The internal furnace of fulfilment”. You mentally decide that from now on, your fulfillment comes from inside of you and that source is powered by you and only by you. The “furnace” is not a real furnace … it’s a special one, because the “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation) can only come from your internal furnace and secondly, the same “heat” generated by your furnace is non-transferable. This means that it is unlike real fire. It is completely invalid when it is outside of you and loses its “energy”. In the same way somebody can’t give you their “heat” from their furnace. This means that it can only be sourced internally. This means:
– If somebody walks up to you and gives you £100,000,000 in cash, you accept in advance that this cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).
– The most beautiful person on earth walks up to you and asks you on a date or to marry you, you accept in advance that this cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).
– You are promoted to the CEO of the most valuable company of all time and you accept in advance that this cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).
– Anything “nice”, “good” or “positive” given to you, externally cannot give you any “heat” (i.e. fulfilment, happiness, acceptance, validation etc.).
3) You completely embrace your bubble and turn your lens inwards (to ultimately face outwards). This means that you, as extreme as this is going to sound, from now on expect nothing from anybody – regardless of the circumstance. In fact, you do not require acknowledgement or appreciation at all. No matter what you do! You “do” because it is of intrinsic value and aligned with your “passion” and wellbeing or something you are required to do for the greater good. The “greater good” is something which is a personal moral decision for you to decide on your own. If you determine that something is morally required or practically required, then do it. If not, don’t. If you are selfish, you will remain selfish. If you are generous, you will remain generous. However, everything else which is outside of those exceptions is purely focussed on your passion or to that end. This means:
– You walk up to a stranger and help them pick up all of their dropped belongings. You do not expect a thanks. You do not expect even a look or the smallest amount acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.
– You clean your best friend’s house, from top to bottom. You do not expect a thanks. You do not expect even a look or the smallest acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.
– You give away £100,000,000 to a charity. You do not expect thanks. You do not expect even a look or the smallest acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.
– You engage in a conversation with somebody. You do not expect a reply. You do not expect even a look or the smallest amount of acknowledgement. You may accept it but you do not expect it.
Everything you do is focussed 100% on advancing your main life passion with the exception of actions which you determine are morally or practically required for the greater good or your own good, within your own personal moral spectrum. To repeat, the action is executed for its intrinsic value only, with zero expectation of acknowledgement or expectation that it will give you any “warmth” or “heat” except the “heat” generated internally from the “power” of the intrinsic action and the heat from that. You do not feel the “need” to speak, communicate or receive anything from anyone, in particular.
Thank you for joining me today. We’ll continue with more in our next video. See you then.